Alisha

This weekend I am getting married to an amazing woman.  She has become my best friend, my training partner, my anchor, my sail... and on now she will become my wife.

Our first date was on Sept 29th 2017 and on Sept 29th 2018 we  will become husband and wife.  We will also be an instant family.  I will not only gain a wife, but I will gain another daughter.

Alisha came into my life very unexpectedly.  I remember talking to her and asking her what race she was training for.  She said that she had a half marathon coming up, and then asked me if I had anything coming up. I told her, "Yeah, I have a race coming up in Marin that I do every year."  She asked how long it was, and I told her it was a trail race that I really loved doing, and I avoided telling her the distance.

A few days after I ran the race I saw Alisha again during my shift at Fleet Feet.  I made it a point to say hello to her, because I wanted her to hopefully notice me, and she did.  She said "So... just some trail race you do every year in Marin??!?!?" 

At this point I realized that she saw the post on Strava that I uploaded from the race.  I wasn't sure what to say... "yeah, just some race I do every year."

A couple weeks later I asked her out to a movie.  I figured that she would just turn me down or be busy... and she was too busy.  She was running a half marathon, but asked if we could reschedule for the next weekend.

We went out to dinner and a movie.  We talked for hours that first night.  She asked my why I told her that it was just a trail race that I did every year instead of telling her it was a 100 miler.  I looked down, laughed and said, "because I didn't want to be that guy..." and before I could finish she said, "but you are that guy."

We started running together every weekend on the trails.  Talking a lot and building a relationship.  There was definitely something there clicking between us, but we both seemed to want to take things slowly. Alisha has a daughter that is with her 100% of the time, and I have my 2 kids as well.  Both of us didn't want to rush into anything too soon.

As the weeks went on we would text each other everyday, then eventually call each other everyday.  We were becoming a couple, but we weren't a couple.  We were getting close, but staying distant.  Eventually we were just hanging out, running, cross training, and doing everything together.  We stopped asking each other if the other person wanted to hangout on the weekend, we just were always hanging out with each other.

After several weeks of getting to know each other, training together, having long intimate talks with each other about what we want out of life, and taking about life... we slowly became an official couple.

Alisha came into my life when I least expected it.  Now we're getting married.  She's such an amazing woman.  I'm lucky to have her in my life, gain another daughter, and have someone who loves both my kids as well.


We will be married in about 12 hours after I publish this blog post.  I can't wait to see how beautiful Alisha will look in her wedding dress.  I can't wait to have her become my wife and I her husband.  I can't wait to go on our first run together as a married couple and have our kids become a family.


until next time...

KEEP RUNNING!!!!

Head Space

When I started this blog I told myself that I would always be honest about what I wrote.  If I had a bad race or a good race, I would give details about how it all went down.  I've also been honest when writing about the more personal side of my life that I randomly share on here.

Earlier this month I ran my 9th Headlands 100 miler.  I was in a very different head space this year.  I was going to take my time today to write about the race, but I feel like I need to write this before sitting down and writing about the run I had this year,  I feel like this might give more insight as to why the run happened the way it did.

I've been having a really hard time being motivated to do the things I once had much enjoyment from.  Running hasn't been really enjoyable for some time now.  I haven't been excited about it, but I haven't been excited about a lot of things.  I have a lack of interest in writing, working out, playing chess, I don't meditate like I use to, running feels like a chore.  I had my favorite race of the year coming up, and I just wasn't into it.

This year I had 2 friends lined up to pace at the event.  My friend Chris was returning for another year, and my friend Scott was coming out for the first time.

I've been having some issues with my Achilles tendon, and that kept me from putting in the hours of training that I needed to do for the race this year.  Well, that's what I kept telling myself.  Deep down I just didn't feel like training.  I didn't feel like getting out of bed for most of the last few months.  It sucks having to be at work by 4:30am five days a week.  When did 6:30am become "sleeping in" for me?

I worry about my future and the future of those that depend on me.  I feel bad for my kids because they have me as a father.  I'm 41 years old and don't have my shit together.  Feeling like I'm not good enough at anything I do.  Constantly feeling like I'm fucking drowning and just fake smile my way through the day.  If one more person asks me how my day is going, I might just go crazy!!

I'm barley sleeping, and my eating habits are all over the place.  I can eat an entire pizza by myself because I feel down, or I won't eat for a couple days.  It's easy to tell people that you already ate, or you had a big lunch so you're just not hungry.

The happy moments seem lost within a gray feeling of blah.  I'm randomly sleep walking through life.  Another day feeling lost and hopeless.  My kids deserve better than this...

I drag myself out of my parents house and go for a run, make myself workout, force myself to write things down, try to do my best to smile... Brandon and Ashley can't see me like this.  I remind myself to try to act fucking normal.

I have a big race coming up, and i just don't give a shit.  I want to tell my friends not to bother showing up to help me out.  I tell them not to show up, but they come anyway.  

I have this feeling and wish it would pass. It's hard to hear someone say "I look up to you," while you're looking down on yourself.