On September 9th, 2017 I set out to run the Headlands 100 mile ultra marathon for my 8th consecutive year in a row. Back in 2010 this was my very first 100 mile event, and I've been lucky enough to be able to run and complete this event (spoiler alert) 8 times in a row.My long time friend Chris Cupp went up to the race with me for his 6th time in a row. Chris didn't start running until after he crewed for Kyle and I at the San Diego 100 back in 2012. It was at the San Diego 100 that Chris witnessed the drama of a 100 mile journey, and took up running as soon as that weekend was over.
My parents also joined me for the weekend. They have been at just about every race that I've done that has been 50 miles or greater. They have been at almost every 100 mile event that I have ran, except for the two years I did the San Diego 100 miler.
The Plan
I went into this race with the plan of finishing in 25 hours and 30 minutes. In 2016 I finished in 25 hours 45 minutes, and I really wanted to improve on this time. Chris and I sat down before the race and wrote down all the splits from 2016. I knew exactly when I needed to be at every aid station to improve my time from the previous year. If all went well, I would run 15 minutes faster this year, and walk away with a new personal best course time.
Mile 0-25
I set out on my first 25 mile loop feeling pretty good. I have been having issues with my Achilles tendon since June, and it had effected my training a little bit, but not enough that I was worried about it. In fact, 3 days before the race, I was having no issues or pain in my Achilles and was feeling pretty good about running on it.
The race started off well. I saw a bunch of friends that I haven't seen in a long time. I was running on pace, and I was feeling good. When I saw Chris at mile 12, he told me that I was right on time with our planned pace. I was feeling good and I was out of the aid station just as fast as I had arrived.
The next 13 miles felt just as good as the first 12. I was having a few low mental moments, but I was able to battle through them and focus on the race.
I came up to mile 25 and I was a couple minutes ahead of schedule. I once again made a fast turnaround at the aid station and was off to run my next 25 mile loop.
Mile 25-50
I headed off for my next 25 mile loop feeling pretty good. I made it from Rodeo Beach to the Golden Gate Bridge (mile 32ish) right on time. I was running faster that last year, and still feeling good. As I was climbing up the trail away from the Golden Gate I could start to feel some discomfort in my right Achilles tendon. I tried to back off my pace a little, but the discomfort was still there. I ran through the discomfort as best as I could all the way to the Tennessee Valley aid station, but buy the time I got there (mile 38) I was feeling a strain in my right hamstring... and with the discomfort I had in my right Achilles, I was having a hard time keeping up my pace.
By the time I hit mile 40, I knew that this was not going to be the race where I could run 25 hours and 30 minutes. My pace was dropping off too much, and I knew that I wasn't going to be able to catch up on my lost time. My only backup goal was to finish Headlands 100 for the 8th time.
During this section of the race I ran a few miles with a runner from Washington that I meet named Tabatha. We talked quite a bit while we ran together. She told me that she had ran a 100 miler back in September of 2016, where she ran the entire distance but missed the last time cutoff. This made her not get an official finishing time at that event.
Mile 50-75
I was getting ready to head out on my 3rd 25 mile loop. I was a little bummed out that I wasn't going to hit my desired time, but I was trying to not let it get to me. As I got my headlamp ready I saw that Tabatha was a few feet away from me. She seemed a little nervous about running by herself in the dark so I asked her I she wanted to stick together through the night and keep each-other company. She seemed to like that idea, and I was very happy to have someone to spend a few miles with.
Tabatha and I shared a lot of life stories during our time together, and that seems to be normal when you run many many miles with someone and you're physically and mentally exhausted. For me, the mental and physical fatigue that comes with doing these types of events, generally allows me to open up more to people and not be as guarded as usual.
We talked about life, death, society, family, running, joys, fears... all kinds of stuff.
Having someone to run with and talk to made the miles feel a lot easier. The 3rd loop felt like it was speeding along. My right leg was bothering me, but it wasn't feeling as bad as it did before.
Mile 75-88
Tabatha and I set out on our 4th loop, and my buddy Chris was now on the trail with us. Chris was pacing me once again, just like the other years he has come out. It was nice adding a 3rd person to the group.
We ran pretty solid from mile 75 to 88. My feet were getting really tired, and I was starting to realize that I did not do enough "time on feet" training for this race. I was also now on my feet a lot longer than I had planned, so that didn't help.
Decisions... decisions... Mile 88
We made it to the Tennessee Valley aid station (mile 88) and mental fatigue was settling in very hard. I took my shoes off and I put on a new pair of socks. My feet were feeling so tired. My left ankle was starting to swell for some reason. I had to loosen up my left shoe because my foot was feeling really uncomfortable just being in my shoe. I think that I was taking it easy on my right leg, and all the extra unbalanced work I was making my left leg do was catching up to me..
I remember sitting down on a bench and not wanting to get up. Tabatha was ready to get going, and I told her to head out on the trail and that I would be right behind her.
I watched Tabatha take off down the road to the trail. I really didn't know if I was going to keep going. I was feeling mentally broken. I just didn't feel like doing this anymore. I started thinking about how I could just finally stop... how this day of running could finally be over. Was I really wanting to do 12 more long miles? ...not really.
I told myself that if I dropped out that I wouldn't come back next year, or the one after that, or ever again. I had already had 7 finishes in a row at this event, maybe 7 was good enough... maybe 10 is an unattainable goal. Maybe I'm not strong enough to do this anymore.
I thought about how shitty it would feel to not finish... how it would haunt me... it would break me and I more that likely take a long break from running if I didn't finish this race.
You see, this isn't just a run to me... Headlands has a very special meaning for me. It's a place I go every year to push myself... to evaluate myself... to find myself. Quitting, while it was in my head, is not an option at this race. If it was any other race I probably would have quit, but I can't do that out here. If I had quit, it would have wrecked me.
I got up off the bench, looked at Chris and told him, "I'm going to go catch up to Tabatha."
Mile 88-100
I took off solo to go catch up to Tabatha. Chris waited at Tennessee Valley For my parents to arrive so they could know how things were going. As I headed to Muir Beach I wondered how long it would take me to catch up to Tabatha... and if I would catch up to her. I started to feel a little better and I started running decently... but not well. I was muscling through the miles and wanted this run to be over. After about 2 miles I caught up to Tabatha. She was looking strong!!! My math was a little fuzzy and I was feeling pressed for time to finish. I was getting worried about not finishing the race before the time cutoff, and I started trying to run faster. I ran a little bit with Tabatha, but before I knew it she was behind me... and our distance started to grow. As we ascended up a hill I looked back and yelled at Tabatha, "Keep pushing, you got this!!"
I got to the top of the long hill we were climbing, and I could no longer see Tabatha. I didn't know what to do. Should I wait... or should I keep going. I reluctantly kept running, but I kept constantly looking behind me with hope to see Tabatha. We had separated and I was really torn about what I should do. Should I keep up my pace, or stop and wait for her.
There is a short Out & Back section that you take to the Muir Beach aid station. I figured that I would run to the aid station, and then see if I run into Tabatha somewhere in that section.
As I left the Muir Beach aid station I kept looking up the trail to see if I could see Tabatha. Before I knew it, Tabatha came walking towards me on the trail. I was very excited to see her. We talked for a minute and she seemed to be doing great. We were only a half mile apart from each other.
I made my way back to Tennessee Valley, knowing that Tabatha was just a little bit behind me.I felt really bad for moving on ahead of her, but I was really happy that she was just a little bit behind me.
When I was about 2 miles away from getting back to Tennessee Valley I saw Chris waiting for me on the trail. He told me that my parents were at the aid station waiting for me. I was really happy to see Chris. I was starting to mentally "slip" a little bit, and seeing Chris really brought me out of the bad head space I was starting to hangout in.
We got to Tennessee Valley and my parents were waiting for me. I sat down really quick and filled my water bottle. I was feeling pretty down about the race. I didn't hit my finishing goal time, and I felt really bad that my parents and Chris were having to wait so long for me to finish. I told my parents that they should head back home to Fresno because it was getting late in the day and they had a long ride home. They told me that I was being stupid and that they would see me at the finish line.Chris and I headed off from Tennessee Valley and made our way back to the start/finish area at Rodeo Beach. I was feeling very mixed emotions... I was happy that I was going to finish my 8th Headlands 100 miler, upset about the way I was going to do it, happy that Tabatha was going to finish, unhappy that I didn't stick with her...
Chris and I were getting near the finish line, and I was feeling very glad that this 100 mile adventure was going to be over. I usually run the last part of this race as hard as I can the closer I get to the finish, but that didn't happen at this race. I was feeling beat up, and I walked most of the last section of the race. I ran the last 200 meters to the finish line and at 29 hours 24 minutes and 15 seconds I finished my 8th Headlands 100 miler.
The Best Part Of The Race
After I was done, Chris and I waited at the finish line. I couldn't leave without knowing that Tabatha had finished. I was feeling bad for not sticking with her, but I knew that she was going to finish and I needed to be there to see her finish. Before I knew it I could see Tabatha making her way to the finish line. At 29 hours 37 minutes and 30 seconds Tabatha officially finished her first 100 mile race.I gave Tabatha a hug as soon as she crossed the finish line. She told me she was very happy that I waited to see her finish and that she would have been very upset if I wasn't there.
The highlight of the entire race was watching Tabatha cross that finish line. I felt bad for running ahead of her, but if I had not done that, I would have never seen her amazing finish.
Until next time...
KEEP RUNNING!!!!
