The Race I Had Been Avoiding
I had not ran the Woodside since April 14, 2012. On this day I had finally ran a new personal best time at the 50k distance, finishing in 5 hours 33mins and 48 seconds. I had given that race everything I had. A couple months before this race I tried to break 24 hours at the Rocky Road 100, but fell short of my goal. At the finish line of the Woodside 50k I talked to my friend Michael about my new PR at the 50k, and we also talked about what went wrong at the 100 miler a couple weeks before that day.
I always enjoyed running races and seeing Michael at the finish line. He would always ask me about the races I had planned for the year, and would always give me a few training tips.
At the end of the 2012 Woodside 50k, Michael gave me some advice... he said, "No matter how bad you're hurting out there, you can always take a little more pain, run harder, and make your goal. You just need to believe in what you're doing out there and trust yourself. Enjoy the pain... remember why you're out here."
This was the last time I would talk to Michael before his tragic death in Death Valley 4 months later.
Since his death I have had plenty of opportunity to run the Woodside race again, but just didn't feel ready to run this race again and stand in the same spot I had last talked to my friend.
My Decision To Run
2015 was a very complicated year. I was trying to find a new stable full time job (a search that is still ongoing), I started training Jiu Jitsu a little more seriously again and finally competed again for the first time in years, and I found myself in the middle of a divorce. I was in a very dark place emotionally. I was constantly feeling like I was failing, taking the wrong path, and just plain fucking up...
With the help of my training partners (running and Jiu Jitsu), I made it through some pretty hard emotional times.
Before I knew it, I was feeling back to my old self. I was feeling focused, healthy, and ready to run and fight again. I had a new training program that I had set up for myself, I started eating healthier again, meditating everyday again, playing Chess... and more importantly, I was healing emotionally.
Somewhere in the middle of all this I kept thinking about going back to Woodside. I had been dealing with so many personal demons this year, why not confront one more. The Woodside event was December 27th, and it totally worked into my training schedule. With everything that had gone on in my life in 2015, it just made since to try to knock out this race and face what I had been avoiding.
I suggested to a bunch of my friends that they should go up and do the Woodside event with me, and five of them took me up on that offer.
The Drive Up To The Race
Since there were so many of us going up to the race, we decided to carpool. My friend Travis had a SUV that could fit everyone semi comfortably, so he drove us all to the event. I was feeling pretty excited about the race. I was focused on running a solid race. My training for the 6 weeks leading up to the event was everything I wanted and needed it to be For the first time this year I truly felt emotional strong and ready for whatever the trail was going to give me that day.
My Big Mistake
About an hour after we left Fresno for the race, I started feeling like something was wrong. I asked my friend Chris who was sitting in the back of the SUV, "Is my hydration pack back there?" After a min or two Chris tells me, "No, I don't see it."
I had spent the night before the race packing my hydration bag. I had my bottles ready, Gu's packed, a Bonk Bar that I had planned to eat at mile 17... everything I needed was in that bag. That bag was left on my kitchen counter, and was not with me in the SUV.
Everyone in the car was silent. They all new that I had fucked up, and that I was not very happy about what I had just did. Travis asked me, "What do you want to do?" I looked at the clock, and we didn't have enough time to go back for my stuff and make it to the race on time. I told Travis to keep driving.
A few mins later I received a text from my friend Tabitha, "Good luck at your race. I know you're going to run fast!!" I replied back to her, "I left all my shit at home on accident, I'm not sure if I'll be running today." Then Tabitha told me "You'll figure it out, I know you will."
Don't Quit Just Yet
I started trying to come up with a game plan. I started talking to myself, "the aid stations are about 5 miles apart, but there's a huge gap between mile 11 to 20, then after that they're about 5 miles apart again..." I was trying to come up with something.
Then I started telling myself, "You've finished seventeen 100 mile races, you can figure this out... you can figure this out. This is what life is giving you, just deal with it the best you can."
I was slowly working up a plan. Then I came to me... all I need is a bottle, I can get food at the aid stations and get through the race. It doesn't matter how fast I run today, what matters is that I run.
30 mins before we got the the race I asked Travis to stop at a gas station really fast. I told him that I needed to get something. We pulled up to an AM&PM and I got out of the car. Travis asked me what I was getting, and I told him that I was getting a bottle for the race.
I walked into the AM&PM and bought a 20oz bottle of Mt Dew. This was going to get me through the race.
Ready... Set... Go!!!
So... there I was at the start line of the race, with nothing but a 20oz bottle of Mt Dew in my hands. I looked at my friends and started laughing. How the fuck did this happen? Oh well, there was no turning back now.
The race started and we were off. I was feeling pretty good, and I was pretty surprised about that considering how the day had started. We hit the first aid station about 6 miles into the race. I had drank about 10oz of my Mt Dew at this point. I grabbed 2 potatoes at the aid station and took off for the next one. I was running well and had no intent on slowing down my pace.
I was able to maintain my pace all the way to the next aid station. I finished off the small drop of Mt Dew that I had left as I approached the aid station at mile 11. I grabbed a couple potatoes once again, and filled my Mt Dew bottle up with whatever sports drink they had on the course.
The more I ran, the more confident I was becoming. I was in a zone, and nothing was going to stop me. I checked my pace, and I was making pretty good time. By the time I came upon the mile 20 aid station I was just under 3 hours and 30 mins into the race. At this point if I could run the last 11 miles in under 2 hours I would set a new personal best time for the 50k distance.
The last 5 miles of the course is pretty fast. I had a new personal best time in my sights, and I was doing it on nothing but Mt Dew, some sports drink that they had at the aid stations, a handful of potatoes, and pure determination to run my ass off as hard as I could.Around mile 25 I hit the last aid station at 4 hours and 15 mins into the race. This was the last aid station until I hit the finish line, and this was also a very fast last 6 miles.
6 Miles Left
The last 6 miles of the race I thought a lot about Michael. I ran as hard as I could, I excepted the pain I was going through, and I kept pushing on. I wanted to feel every moment of it, I wanted to be aware of what I was putting myself through, I wanted to give it all I had left. It was a very emotional 6 miles. I felt like Michael was with me the entire time. The harder I pushed the more free I felt. I felt like I was once again in control.
The Finish
I learned a lot on the trail during this race. I learned to take what life gives me. That sometimes no matter how well you have planned something, you need to be able to adapt when things go sideways. You never know what you are capable of doing until you're in a position where you are forced to shine. Sometimes you just have to accept the chaos in your life and figure out how you can make some kind of sense out of it. You have to find peace in the chaos and just give it your all.
I can't say the race went 100% to plan... but I am happy to say that somewhere in all the chaos, I composed myself, came up with a plan, and finished in 5 hours 17 mins and 30 seconds... a new personal record for the 50k distance.
Until next time...
KEEP RUNNING!!!!
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