Sunday, November 15, 2015

Mr Self Destruct

Sometimes the hardest part of running ultra marathons isn't always the course, the pounding on your body, or the physical training... but it's the mental part of the game that can make or break an event.

Yesterday I ran a 100k event (I'll have a more detailed blog about it later) and everything was going according to plan... until about mile 29ish.

Without getting into too much detail, I'll just say that not all things in my personal life have been going to plan.  I've been stressing about trying to find a second job so that I can make some extra money, yet constantly coming up short, and mentally going through a divorce.  I feel like my life has a lot of chaos right now, and during my race it all came to a boiling point.

I got to the point where I was not in a good mental state.  I didn't feel like running, and I didn't feel like being around anyone.  I purposely let myself fall behind the group I was running with and let them all pull way from me.

I've ran enough 100 mile and 50 mile races to know this kind of mental battle happens during events from time to time.  The mental game is even more important than the physical one.  It's hard to say what causes someone to be perfectly fine during a race, and then just moments later completely fucking fall apart mentally.  These kind of things happen and that's important to realize.  They are just moments, and like everything will pass.  Sometimes the negative thoughts last for a few minutes, sometimes they last for miles, and sometimes they cause you to drop out the race.

My mental breakdown lasted for what felt like a lifetime.  I wanted to drop out of the race really bad.  Luckily I kept pushing on and eventually got my head back into the race. 

While I wasn't happy with my overall finishing time yesterday, I was happy about the fact that after being in a really dark place for about 7 miles, I was able to mentally fight back and get my shit together.  Sometimes running a race isn't just about the time you finished in, but it's about the time you had on the trail. 

Until next time...

KEEP RUNNING!!!!

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