Headlands 100 September 9th 2018

On September 8th of 2018 I ran my 9th consecutive Headlands 100 miler.  I went into the race under trained and injured, and as much as I had hoped to run a new personal best time at this event, I was going to have to settle with just trying my best to finish.

I had my usual support crew at the race, my parents (they have been at every Headlands 100 that I've ran), my buddy Chris (I think this was his 8th time at this event), and my friend Scott who was out there with me for his first time helping me out.


Loop #1

I went into the event optimistic, but knowing that it would more than likely be a really long day.  I have had some issues with my Achilles tendon since April of 2017 and the damage I had done from running and jiu jitsu was starting to catch up to me.  I was hoping to run each loop in around 6 hours and 30 mins, but I wasn't sure if that was realistic.  At the beginning of the first loop I was feeling good.  The uphills at the beginning felt slightly uncomfortable, but the few flat areas and the downhills felt pretty good.  I was losing time on the uphills, but able to make up the time on the flat and downhills sections.

As the miles went on, the discomfort started to come, and it was getting difficult to find enjoyment in running this event.  I ran most of the first loop by myself, but from time-to-time I would find someone to burn a few miles with.  I was able to muscle through the first loop, and I finished the first loop in just a little bit over 6 hours.


Loop #2

I was trying to get out of the aid station and headed out on my 2nd loop as fast as I could.  At about 6 hours and 24 mins into the event I was heading out on my 2nd loop.  The long climb that started the 2nd loop was really starting to really cause discomfort on my Achilles tendon.  As I climbed out of the section that took me out from the Golden Gate Bridge I was starting to think that "running" this event might not be a good idea.  I could handle the discomfort on the flat sections and the downhills, but the uphill running/walking was really getting to me.  It was getting harder and harder to ignore the discomfort that I was feeling.

Around mile 35 I started running with another runner that I seemed to be running the same pace with.  Dani and I ran the rest second loop together.  It was nice to have someone to run with and talk to.  Our conversations took my mind off of the trouble I was having with my Achilles tendon.

Around mile 45 Dani's crew brought both of us Slurpee's, and they tasted amazing.


Loop #3

Dani and I parted ways, and we both picked up our pacers at mile 50.  My friend Scott came out to crew and pace the 3rd loop.  This was the first time Scott and I had ever ran together.  I was looking forward to running with Scott and getting to know him a little more over the next 25 mile loop.

This loop was by far the hardest.  I was tired, and starting to really hurt.  My pace was dropping tremendously, and for the first time ever at this event, I was getting worried about not making the time cutoffs at the aid stations.  I also realized that I had forgotten my usb power supply that I was going to use to charge up my Garmin on the third loop.  The battery life on the watch would not last the entire event, so I needed to charge it up during  the third loop.  This caused me a little more stress to an already stress filled day.  I knew that my pace was dropping, and that there was no way that my Garmin would make it to the end of the 3rd loop.

Every aid station we got to I would ask what the cutoff time was for me to get to the next aid station.  I was always assured that I was way a head of schedule, but I was still starting to panic because the pain was starting to settle in a little bit more, and I was slowing down quite a bit.

As Scott and I left the Golden Gate aid station I started to really wonder if I was going to be able to finish my 9th Headlands 100 miler.  The reality of a DNF (Did Not Finish) was starting to sink in.  I kept trying to figure out the math in my head... "Am I slowing down too much?  Am I even going to have enough time to finish a 4th 25 mile loop?"

Scott was doing his best to keep me moving and motivated, but I was slipping into a dark place.  I was giving up, and I was starting to accept that today might not be my day.

Then, just as I had hit mile 68.72 my watch died.  This was something I was going to have to deal with.  I'm very use to having my Garmin, and always being able to know my time and distance.  Not having this available was super stressful, especially since I felt like I was running low on time.

At mile 72 I really though I was done with the event.  I came to accept the fact that maybe I just needed to stop and call it a day.  I started walking and trying to get back into a better mindset but I wasn't able to find one.  Scott kept trying to motivate me, but I wasn't having it.  I felt like I was mentally done, and I didn't want to go on anymore.

I started thinking about all the years that I've done this race... and all miles... all the time training... all the different life changing events that have taken place over the years between this race every year... all the lessons I've learned since I first did this race...

I started thinking about my goal of finishing this event 10 years in a row, and how shitty I would feel to let the 9th finish just slip away.  I was becoming more and more emotional with every thought of failing that come into my head.  I started to feel angry... angry that all the years I spent doing this were about to end.  I knew that if I didn't finish this race that I was not going to return the next year.

I thought about what I was going to feel like to have to stop... to have to write a blog about my 9th Headlands 100, and how I couldn't pull it off...

An injury is no excuse... there is no excuse out here.  This is "My Race!!"

I stopped for a brief second and got really angry.  Scott asked me what was going on and I couldn't even think of anything to tell him.  I stood there in the middle of an emotional breakdown and finally told myself, "This is not how 'This' ends.  This doesn't end this way!!!  I've faced harder obstacles than this in life, I can do this.  I've come way to far for this to end now!!  This is not how 'This' ends!!!"

At this point I took off running.  Scott was right behind me telling me our pace, distance, time... and that I was doing good.  As we got closer to the end of the third loop I told Scott what we needed to do.  I said to Scott, "We need to charge my Garmin, get a bottle of Dr Pepper ready for me when I leave the aid station... and after I take a 15 min nap, don't let me stop for anything on this last loop.  It's going to hurt... it's going to suck... but I'm not going home with a DNF today."

We finished the 3rd lap, and I ran to a bench and closed my eyes.  Scott was done pacing, and now it was time for Chris to run with me.  While I slept for a few mins Scott and Chris discussed what was going on, and what they needed to do to get me to finish.


Loop #4

Chris and I headed out for my last 25 miles.  I was beyond tired.  I was mentally drained, and physically exhausted.  I was still questioning if I would be able to finish.  I called my parents and told them how everything was going and that I wasn't having a good race.  I told them to go ahead and just head home after they checked out of their hotel room, because it was going to be a log day and I wasn't sure when I would finish.  They told me that was a ridiculous idea, and that they would see me at Tennessee Valley in a few hours.

My parents have been at every Headlands 100 that I have ran, and have only not attended 2 of the 100 miles races that I have ran, and they were not going to just leave.

We made our way to the aid station at the Golden Gate Bridge and left as fast as we could.  At this point I just wanted to be done, and I knew if I stayed at the aid stations for too long, I might not ever leave.  As we made our was from the Golden Gate aid station to the Tennessee Valley aid station we ran into Dani.  She looked very tired.  We gave each other a big hug and she told me she wasn't feeling very good.  I offered her some words of encouragement, and then we parted ways.  I would find out later that she had to drop from the event soon after I saw her.

We got to Tennessee Valley and I saw my parents.  My mom and dad could tell that I was tired.  They told me to keep pushing on, and I know it wasn't easy for them to encourage me because they knew how much I was hurting.  I was under trained, injured, and not mentally healthy...

We left Tennessee Valley and headed to Muir Beach.  I told my parents I would see them soon and that I loved them.  I thanked them for staying and supporting me, and then Chris and I headed out.

We made it to Muir Beach with no problem, and then back to Tennessee Valley.  When we go back to Tennessee Valley I went to my drop bag and pulled out a note that Alisha had left for me.  She had left several notes in my drop bags with each of them labeled which mile to open them.  There were times that the only thing that got me to each aid station was the fact that I knew I had some words of encouragement to read from her.

We left Tennessee Valley for the last time, and I headed to the finish line, just a short 4.5ish miles away.  This felt like forever.

With the help of Chris and Scott, my parents, Alisha's love, and the support of all my family and friends I finished my 9th consecutive Headlands 100 in 31 hours and 15 mins and 23 seconds... but who's counting...


Now That It's Over

This race has always meant a lot to me.  It was the very first 100 mile event that I ever did, back in 2010, and I've been lucky enough to run it every year since then.  I have not been running lately and my Achilles tendon if finally getting the recovery time that it has been needing.  I cant wait to go back to the Marin Headlands this coming summer and go for finish number 10!!



until next time...

KEEP RUNNING!!!!