Friday, September 29, 2017

Headlands 100 Miler 2017



On September 9th, 2017 I set out to run the Headlands 100 mile ultra marathon for my 8th consecutive year in a row.  Back in 2010 this was my very first 100 mile event, and I've been lucky enough to be able to run and complete this event (spoiler alert) 8 times in a row.

My long time friend Chris Cupp went up to the race with me for his 6th time in a row.  Chris didn't start running until after he crewed for Kyle and I at the San Diego 100 back in 2012.  It was at the San Diego 100 that Chris witnessed the drama of a 100 mile journey, and took up running as soon as that weekend was over.

My parents also joined me for the weekend.  They have been at just about every race that I've done that has been 50 miles or greater.  They have been at almost every 100 mile event that I have ran, except for the two years I did the San Diego 100 miler.


The Plan

I went into this race with the plan of finishing in 25 hours and 30 minutes.  In 2016 I finished in 25 hours 45 minutes, and I really wanted to improve on this time.  Chris and I sat down before the race and wrote down all the splits from 2016.  I knew exactly when I needed to be at every aid station to improve my time from the previous year.  If all went well, I would run 15 minutes faster this year, and walk away with a new personal best course time.


Mile 0-25

I set out on my first 25 mile loop feeling pretty good.  I have been having issues with my Achilles tendon since June, and it had effected my training a little bit, but not enough that I was worried about it.  In fact, 3 days before the race, I was having no issues or pain in my Achilles and was feeling pretty good about running on it.

The race started off well.  I saw a bunch of friends that I haven't seen in a long time.  I was running on pace, and I was feeling good.  When I saw Chris at mile 12, he told me that I was right on time with our planned pace.  I was feeling good and I was out of the aid station just as fast as I had arrived.

The next 13 miles felt just as good as the first 12.  I was having a few low mental moments, but I was able to battle through them and focus on the race.

I came up to mile 25 and I was a couple minutes ahead of schedule.  I once again made a fast turnaround at the aid station and was off to run my next 25 mile loop.


Mile 25-50

I headed off for my next 25 mile loop feeling pretty good.  I made it from Rodeo Beach to the Golden Gate Bridge (mile 32ish) right on time.  I was running faster that last year, and still feeling good.  As I was climbing up the trail away from the Golden Gate I could start to feel some discomfort in my right Achilles tendon.  I tried to back off my pace a little, but the discomfort was still there.  I ran through the discomfort as best as I could all the way to the Tennessee Valley aid station, but buy the time I got there (mile 38) I was feeling a strain in my right hamstring... and with the discomfort I had in my right Achilles, I was having a hard time keeping up my pace.

By the time I hit mile 40, I knew that this was not going to be the race where I could run 25 hours and 30 minutes.  My pace was dropping off too much, and I knew that I wasn't going to be able to catch up on my lost time.  My only backup goal was to finish Headlands 100 for the 8th time.

During this section of the race I ran a few miles with a runner from Washington that I meet named Tabatha.  We talked quite a bit while we ran together.  She told me that she had ran a 100 miler back in September of 2016, where she ran the entire distance but missed the last time cutoff.  This made her not get an official finishing time at that event.


Mile 50-75

I was getting ready to head out on my 3rd 25 mile loop.  I was a little bummed out that I wasn't going to hit my desired time, but I was trying to not let it get to me.  As I got my headlamp ready I saw that Tabatha was a few feet away from me.  She seemed a little nervous about running by herself in the dark so I asked her I she wanted to stick together through the night and keep each-other company.  She seemed to like that idea, and I was very happy to have someone to spend a few miles with.

Tabatha and I shared a lot of life stories during our time together, and that seems to be normal when you run many many miles with someone and you're physically and mentally exhausted.  For me, the mental and physical fatigue that comes with doing these types of events, generally allows me to open up more to people and not be as guarded as usual.

We talked about life, death, society, family, running, joys, fears... all kinds of stuff.

Having someone to run with and talk to made the miles feel a lot easier.  The 3rd loop felt like it was speeding along.  My right leg was bothering me, but it wasn't feeling as bad as it did before.


Mile 75-88

Tabatha and I set out on our 4th loop, and my buddy Chris was now on the trail with us.  Chris was pacing me once again, just like the other years he has come out.  It was nice adding a 3rd person to the group.

We ran pretty solid from mile 75 to 88.  My feet were getting really tired, and I was starting to realize that I did not do enough "time on feet" training for this race.  I was also now on my feet a lot longer than I had planned, so that didn't help.


Decisions... decisions... Mile 88

We made it to the Tennessee Valley aid station (mile 88) and mental fatigue was settling in very hard.  I took my shoes off and I put on a new pair of socks.  My feet were feeling so tired.  My left ankle was starting to swell for some reason.  I had to loosen up my left shoe because my foot was feeling really uncomfortable just being in my shoe.  I think that I was taking it easy on my right leg, and all the extra unbalanced work I was making my left leg do was catching up to me..

I remember sitting down on a bench and not wanting to get up.  Tabatha was ready to get going, and I told her to head out on the trail and that I would be right behind her.

I watched Tabatha take off down the road to the trail.  I really didn't know if I was going to keep going.  I was feeling mentally broken.  I just didn't feel like doing this anymore.  I started thinking about how I could just finally stop... how this day of running could finally be over.  Was I really wanting to do 12 more long miles? ...not really.

I told myself that if I dropped out that I wouldn't come back next year, or the one after that, or ever again.  I had already had 7 finishes in a row at this event, maybe 7 was good enough... maybe 10 is an unattainable goal.  Maybe I'm not strong enough to do this anymore.

I thought about how shitty it would feel to not finish... how it would haunt me... it would break me and I more that likely take a long break from running if I didn't finish this race.

You see, this isn't just a run to me... Headlands has a very special meaning for me.  It's a place I go every year to push myself... to evaluate myself... to find myself.  Quitting, while it was in my head, is not an option at this race.  If it was any other race I probably would have quit, but I can't do that out here.  If I had quit, it would have wrecked me.

I got up off the bench, looked at Chris and told him, "I'm going to go catch up to Tabatha."


Mile 88-100

I took off solo to go catch up to Tabatha.  Chris waited at Tennessee Valley For my parents to arrive so they could know how things were going.  As I headed to Muir Beach I wondered how long it would take me to catch up to Tabatha... and if I would catch up to her.  I started to feel a little better and I started running decently... but not well.  I was muscling through the miles and wanted this run to be over.  After about 2 miles I caught up to Tabatha.  She was looking strong!!!  My math was a little fuzzy and I was feeling pressed for time to finish.  I was getting worried about not finishing the race before the time cutoff, and I started trying to run faster.  I ran a little bit with Tabatha, but before I knew it she was behind me... and our distance started to grow.  As we ascended up a hill I looked back and yelled at Tabatha, "Keep pushing, you got this!!"

I got to the top of the long hill we were climbing, and I could no longer see Tabatha.  I didn't know what to do.  Should I wait... or should I keep going.  I reluctantly kept running, but I kept constantly looking behind me with hope to see Tabatha.  We had separated and I was really torn about what I should do.  Should I keep up my pace, or stop and wait for her.

There is a short Out & Back section that you take to the Muir Beach aid station.  I figured that I would run to the aid station, and then see if I run into Tabatha somewhere in that section.

As I left the Muir Beach aid station I kept looking up the trail to see if I could see Tabatha.  Before I knew it, Tabatha came walking towards me on the trail.  I was very excited to see her.  We talked for a minute and she seemed to be doing great.  We were only a half mile apart from each other.

I made my way back to Tennessee Valley, knowing that Tabatha was just a little bit behind me.I felt really bad for moving on ahead of her, but I was really happy that she was just a little bit behind me.

When I was about 2 miles away from getting back to Tennessee Valley I saw Chris waiting for me on the trail.  He told me that my parents were at the aid station waiting for me.  I was really happy to see Chris.  I was starting to mentally "slip" a little bit, and seeing Chris really brought me out of the bad head space I was starting to hangout in.

We got to Tennessee Valley and my parents were waiting for me.  I sat down really quick and filled my water bottle.  I was feeling pretty down about the race.  I didn't hit my finishing goal time, and I felt really bad that my parents and Chris were having to wait so long for me to finish.  I told my parents that they should head back home to Fresno because it was getting late in the day and they had a long ride home.  They told me that I was being stupid and that they would see me at the finish line.

Chris and I headed off from Tennessee Valley and made our way back to the start/finish area at Rodeo Beach.  I was feeling very mixed emotions... I was happy that I was going to finish my 8th Headlands 100 miler, upset about the way I was going to do it, happy that Tabatha was going to finish, unhappy that I didn't stick with her...

Chris and I were getting near the finish line, and I was feeling very glad that this 100 mile adventure was going to be over.  I usually run the last part of this race as hard as I can the closer I get to the finish, but that didn't happen at this race.  I was feeling beat up, and I walked most of the last section of the race.  I ran the last 200 meters to the finish line and at 29 hours 24 minutes and 15 seconds I finished my 8th Headlands 100 miler.


The Best Part Of The Race

After I was done, Chris and I waited at the finish line.  I couldn't leave without knowing that Tabatha had finished.  I was feeling bad for not sticking with her, but I knew that she was going to finish and I needed to be there to see her finish.  Before I knew it I could see Tabatha making her way to the finish line.  At 29 hours 37 minutes and 30 seconds Tabatha officially finished her first 100 mile race.

I gave Tabatha a hug as soon as she crossed the finish line.  She told me she was very happy that I waited to see her finish and that she would have been very upset if I wasn't there.

The highlight of the entire race was watching Tabatha cross that finish line.  I felt bad for running ahead of her, but if I had not done that, I would have never seen her amazing finish.



Until next time...

KEEP RUNNING!!!!

Friday, September 22, 2017

Lunch & Races

Today I got lunch with my ultra running buddy Sheri.  Our friendship began somewhere around mile 30ish at American River 50 miler back in 2015.  We started talking during the race and Sheri asked me, "don't you work at the Fleet Feet in Fresno? I think you helped me a couple times."  After we started talking we decided to run the rest of the race together.  We instantly became friends and started running together once the race was over and we got back to Fresno.

Back in April of this year we ran American River together once again.  We decided before the race even started that we would run the entire event together.  Sheri and I haven't seen much of each other since April and we decided to catch up and get lunch today.  Sheri mentioned a few races she's interested in doing this coming 2018. One race she mentioned is the Way to Cool 50k. I've never ran this race before, but I'm thinking about joining her.  I've always thought about doing this race, and now I have a reason to do it.

It's fun to have races planned out that I want to run solo, and run fast... but it's also fun to find events that I can run for fun with my close friends.  It's nice sharing the trail with my good friends, catching up, and just enjoying being out in nature.



Until next time...

KEEP RUNNING!!!!

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Today's Run 09-21-2017

I planed on finishing up my blog about Headlands 100 today, but that didn't happen.  I was going to go for a training run with my friend Sheri, but her Achilles tendon has been bothering her so she decided it would be best if we planned it for another day.  My Achilles has been bothering me as well, but I'm not as smart as Sheri.

I decided at the last minute today to head up to the San Joaquin River Trail and go for a run.  I haven't ran hard on the trail in a long time, and figured I'd try to do that today.

As I mentioned earlier, my Achilles tendon has been bugging me, so I knew I would have to listen to my body and see how things went.  I knew that I would have to take the first mile easy and see how things would warm up.

I'm happy to say that the run went well.  I was able to run relatively hard with almost no discomfort.  I'm not writing this entry to talk about my Achilles, I'm writing it to talk about my run... the important part of my run.

Over the last couple weeks I've been thinking a lot.  I've sat down with a few friends over the last 2 weeks, we've talked about life, death, what this life and existence might mean, what's important in life, what's not as important in life.

I wouldn't call my self a religious person, but I would consider myself somewhat spiritual.  I think it's hard to run on a trail, in the wilderness, and not feel like there is something bigger than you out there.

I love runs like the runs I had today, where I'm by myself, just running as hard as I can on the trail... completely focused on my surroundings... my breath... every step I take on the trail... where you feel like you're part of the trail... and completely at one with the moment.  For me, this is the closest to a religious experience that I will get right now.

Running hard on the road or track is one thing, running all out on the trail is another.  For me, it takes 100% of my focus on the trail or I'll land flat on my face.  That's what I love about running hard on the trail, when I'm 100% focused on it, the trail is an amazing experience.  Running hard on the trail, through the trees, with the river in sight, in the middle on nowhere, just going where the single-track takes you... it's amazing and sometimes overwhelming.

When I'm in that zone on the trail, I'm not just running, I'm feeling alive!!!  I'm able to clear my head, feel focused, happy, and feel level headed.

I though a lot about my life today.  The people that have come and gone, people who I have pushed away, people who have walked away, the ups and downs of life, and where I've been and where I might be going.  I've been going through a lot of self-reflection over the last few months.  There are many things about myself that I know I need to improve on... that I want to improve on.  I'm very far from being perfect (and never will be), and very far from being the person I would like to be, but I have time to make adjustments to try to be that person.

I've spent most of my time the last year training on the road, on the track, and at the park.  Today while I was pushing myself on the trail, I realized how much I miss taking the time to drive a little bit out of my way so that I can run by myself in nature, away from everything and everyone.  I forgot how centered and refreshed I feel after a hard trail run.  I'm definitely going to make it a point to hit the trail at least once a week right now.

I have a road marathon that I'm training for right now that will require a lot of long runs on the road, and speed work on the track.  With that beings said... I'm still going to try to get up to the trail whenever I can to keep myself centered.



Until next time...

KEEP RUNNING!!!!

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Mental Game

The other day I finished my 8th Headlands 100 ultramarathon, and I believe my 21st 100 mile race.  The Headlands 100 was my very first 100 mile race back in 2010, and I've gone back every year... and I've been lucky enough to finish the race every year.

I have a very small group of friends that I train with.  It's always been hard for me to be in large groups.  I like having my space and being able to be in my own head... most of the time.  One of the many things I love about trail running is that I'm able to see friends and run with people, but it also allows me to be outside in nature and run alone if I want to.

The tricky thing about a 100 mile race is that I'm stuck in my own head-space for just about the entire run.  Sometimes the hard part about being in my own head for the better part of 29 hours and 30 mins, is that anything that is bugging me in my life is now right in front of my face.  I had a lot of "dark moments" over the weekend.  There were demons that I felt like a couldn't shake, and sometimes the dark miles just kept piling up upon each other.  I had plenty of times during this race where I just wanted to stop and scream my head off.  I felt like I wasn't strong enough mentally to finish, and I wasn't sure if I even wanted to run ultras anymore.  There were times in the early parts of the race (the first 50 miles) where I really kept debating with myself if I should just quit... not just the race, but running all together.

Sometimes the darkness is so overwhelming you can't remember what the light looks like.  You feel like you're holding on by a single thread, and that thread is about to snap.  You try to remind yourself that these feelings will fade, and that it will get better.  You need to just keep moving forward and pushing, even if you don't want to.  It's a lot like life, if we let the dark spots overwhelm us, that's all we see.  When we are in the middle of struggling, it's often easy to lose hope and we forget why we started this journey in the first place.  Giving up seems like the only option, because we forget that if we just keep moving forward we will make progress, and that if you keep pushing through the rough spots... it does get easier.

Life, a lot like running a very far distance, will have it's ups and downs.  The trick is to realize that you will have good and bad times, and that you need to enjoy the good times while you are living in those moments... and to realize that the bad moments will pass.

I had to remind myself several times that I had already finished this race 7 times before, and that I could pull off one more.  I had to remind myself that it's o.k. to have a bad mile, or 2, or 3... or even 10.  I had to remind myself why I started this journey in the first place back in 2010.  I needed, and still need, to prove to myself that I can do something that sounds crazy.  I need to accomplish something that a normal rational person wouldn't even be able to comprehend.  ...and if I can inspire someone to do something crazy, something that they are unsure about, to try something that feels bigger than they are... well, I guess I will feel like I've accomplished something worth accomplishing.



until next time...

KEEP RUNNING!!!!

Friday, September 8, 2017

9-08-17

I'm sitting in my hotel room with my friend Chris,  trying to clear my head and relax. I need to get to bed soon. Headlands 100 will start in just under 10 hours. I need to be up at 5am, so I really need to head to bed soon.

It's crazy how much my life has changed in the last year, 2 years, 3 years, since 2010 when I first ran this event.

I've had so much positive and negative in my life... I can't help but wonder where I'll be next year at this time.

So many things run through my head when I run this distance. The hard part about this distance isn't only the physical aspect, but the mental aspect is what will make or break the day.  Can I keep my head together, fight through the lifetime of emotions that often play through my head.  Being in your own head space for over 25 hours straight isn't always easy.  Sometime the random dark demons come out, and sometimes they stay around for miles and miles.

I want to finish faster than I did last year.  All I could think about this morning is that I'm going to have to embrace the discomfort tomorrow, and see how well I can push myself without physically and mentally breaking down.

Buddhists in Tibet believe that the further and more difficult a distance you travel to
Holy places, the greater the spiritual reward... I can't help but feel like this race has become that yearly journey for me.

Well... I could write more, but I should get to bed.

Until next time...

KEEP RUNNING!!!!